Variations on the Theme of Light
It was two months after my brother David died, in mid-winter, and still the deepest, darkest part of the year. A long-planned trip with two of my friends to another friend’s home was ahead, but as I thought about it, a dread came over me.
— Gratitude for Len Danielson, photographer
I’d carved out big days in my calendar for the get-together. My heart had leapt when I turned the calendar pages to see the empty space that had been created. But my leaping heart was for the empty space. I had an insatiable craving and a gnawing hunger for it to remain just that way . . . a wide open space. It seemed the best way to honor my favorite brother, my only brother, David Lawrence Anderson.
And so, I canceled my trip. Then for five days, early in the morning, I sat cozied in the love seat that gave me the perfect outlook on the dawning of the day. For several hours early each morning I listened, watched, and prayed. One day the progression from dark to dawn surprised me. In the midst of that darkness of night were houses of beautiful colors — white, rose, blue, and yellow. All during those long hours of darkness the lovely colors had been present, but simply hidden to my eyes. Now I could see them clearly. Along with the dawn that day, a healing in me was born.
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If I took the “holy” out of holiday, my hands-down favorite would be the Summer Solstice, June 21st. Each year my goal on that day is to be out in the country with a clear sightline to the setting sun. How I love to watch that giant ball of glory slip and slide from its noon high down, down, down into the western sky. Standing alert and at attention until the last glimmer of evening light fades away, I always wonder, “Where is it going? Can I follow?”
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On my first morning in Sweden, I awoke cheered by a good night’s sleep and the light that greeted me. “It must be about 6:00 or 6:30,” I thought as I glanced at the clock. I took one look and then my head swiveled back in a double-take. “3:17 a.m. What? Is this clock working? What is that mysterious light doing out in the middle of the night? Am I dreaming?” It was a glow I had never seen before in the night hours. I got up and took a picture.
And yes, it was a true awakening. I was in Sweden, my ancestral homeland, a place of all-night-long summer light.
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My bathroom break often wakes me in the middle of the night. Yet, on the last few nights meandering my way back to bed, I wonder which neighbor left the big bright yard light on. I shield my eyes, avoiding contact because I know that if I look at it, I’ll totally wake up.
But last night, after taking my dive into bed after such a break, I realized the light is spread out over my bed, just like sunlight during the day. And then it dawned on me — the neighbor who left the big light on is God. We might call it moonlight, but it’s God’s light!
No wonder light is described as illuminating. Moonlight . . . for the past couple of nights I’ve been shading my eyes from the full moon. This recognition brings sweet joy to my face. Now instead of shielding my eyes, I want to be awake to lie in the light and gather up its glowing rays.
And what about spiritual light? We can be bathed in that too . . . or we can avert our eyes from it. The light is always there and keeps shining. Sometimes with great fullness. I wonder how often I recognize it and open myself up to it.
The sweetness of last night, with its delicious discovery of the full moon’s light, and my immediate change of heart, opened me. I thought of how I’ve always pushed away light at night as bothersome and intrusive. And yet not more than five hours ago what was one minute bothersome, was the next minute bringing me quiet glee. It was the same light source. Only after a moment did I name it differently, and then it became a thing of marvel.
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There can be dark times in our world. During these seasons of darkness, we’re called to bring light — to be a light to others.
One passage from Scripture reads: “You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead, they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before all …”. Matthew 5:14-15
Ah, here is our calling! For yes, we’re each called to be in our own individual way a light in the world. We’re created with a light - a spirit within. How will you do it? How will you be a light?
— This essay is an excerpt from All That Matters, a forthcoming publication by Jean Anderson